Link's Many Faces of Death!
by Quandtuniverse
Summary: The author goes psycho, and Link is the one to pay... can he escape? HECK NO! Follow the tragic adventure of DEATH and DOOM, in LINK'S MANY FACES OF DEATH!
1. Prologue

**Hiya guys, girls and everything in between!** Julia is back with an exciting new story! How exciting? You'll see...

**Acknowledgements:** This story was inspired by several different things. Mainly by an article posted on The Odyssey of Hyrule, called "Link's Many Faces of Death", hence the title. You should all check out that website. It's very good. Some other stuff influenced this, but they are just little whisps of thought in my brain right now, so I can't credit them.

**Disclaimer:** If I ownedLOZ, everyone would hate it, because it would suck so much.Fear me. LOZ belongs to Nintendo, but this story belongs to me!

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Link's Many Faces Of Death

**PROLOGUE**

It was a brilliantly sunny day in Hyrule. Birds were chirping, bees were buzzing, children laughed and chased Cuccos around.

It was a perfect day for a stroll through the plains of Hyrule, at least for a pointed ear hero who attended by the name of Link. He was 22 years old, and married; however the author will not grant you the satisfaction of knowing who he married since that would ruin the later chapters.

As stated in the above paragraph, Link decided it was a perfect day for a stroll through the plains of Hyrule. He set off early in the morning, and walked by the path that circled Lon Lon Ranch, passing by Gerudo Valley and Lake Hylia. About halfway there, he stopped for a quick bite, since he hadn't eaten breakfast.

One could say that's when things started going crazy.

As he ate a small sandwich a cat pounced out from behind. Link instinctively reached for his sword but seeing the cat posed no threat he ignored it. The cat however did not ignore Link; instead, it circled around, eying Link's sandwich carefully.

Eventually Link got irritated by the animal and shooed it away, but the cat came back. Again. And again. And again. By now Link was very frustrated by the pesky little feline. The cat was relatively small, white and orange, with bright green eyes. It seemed amused by Link's attempts at chasing it away, and toyed around with him, until Link became so angry he grabbed the little fiend by the scruff of its neck.

Bad move, Link.

Immediately he was electrocuted by the cat and blacked out. When he woke up, he was in for a very exiting adventure, indeed.

Dazed, he opened his eyes slowly. He was no longer in Hyrule Field. He was in some ethereal nothingness, a huge space filled with cool mist permeated by blue-white light.

He looked up, and down, and left and right, but he saw nothing but the bluish mist. Actually, he couldn't see his own body. Did he die? Was he in the Sacred Realm? As these questions crawled sluggishly through his mind, a voice boomed around him.

"Welcome, Link, to the Author's Domain."

"...What?" he asked stupidly. No one can blame him for that. He had just been electrocuted by a cat, transported to a bizarre parallel universe, his body was gone, and now a disembodied voice tells him he's in some place called the "Author's Domain". _I better be dreaming,_ he thought, even though he no longer had a brain.

"Welcome, Link, to the Author's Domain," said the voice, automatically. Mechanically. Identically to how it had said before.

"What the heck is this 'Author's Domain'?" demanded Link, his thoughts speeding up now.

"Make yourself comfortable," said the voice, impassive. Link would have frowned if he still had a forehead. Instead, he was limited to bottling up the frustrated thoughts that bubbled around what should be his head. How could he "make himself comfortable" when he was a nothing floating in a nothing with nothing but mist and blue light?

Suddenly, the mist somewhere to his left started swirling madly. Link swivelled around to look at what was happening. The mist turned bright white for a second or two, then formed the outline of a girl. The mist solidified and color seeped in, and the girl was complete. She was smiling. She appeared to be about 13 or 14. She had light brown curly hair. She wore clothes similar to those Link had seen a few village commoners wear. A shirt made of some white material. But her pants...? Some odd fabric Link had never seen before. And her eyes... there was glass in front of her eyes. Lenses? Mini magnifying glasses? Link couldn't imagine what they where for.

The girl laughed as Link examined her. He looked down at himself, but he still couldn't see a body. Could the girl see him, somehow?

"I can't see you, Link, but I know what you're doing. I am the author of this story, therefore everything you do is written by me, therefore I know of every single one of you actions, thoughts, etc. Of course I could just make you understand everything right here and now, like this:"

Suddenly Link knew everything.

"But that wouldn't be much fun, would it? I like making you stupid," she said, and suddenly Link didn't know anything anymore.

"You have no free will, my Hylian hero. You are my puppet. I have supreme authority over this story. I can make you cower in fear:"

Suddenly Link was struck by terror and fright.

"Or I can make you angry:"

Suddenly Link felt extremely angry.

"Or sad:"

Suddenly Link felt depressed.

"I am the one who made you take that stroll this morning, I am the one who made you eat that sandwich. I am the one who made you touch that cat. I am the one who fried your body and brought you here. So it is written, and so it shall be. There is no escape!"

And with that, she laughed. Insanely. Link was scared of her.

"I make you scared, right? Of course. I wrote it. I could just as well make you brave and fearless," she said, smiling diabolically, "but that wouldn't be much fun, would it?"

And so, Link remained scared, despite the Triforce of Courage embedded in his left hand.

"As any author, I have my plans for you. And you will follow them, reluctantly. Because I said so. And as far as this story goes, you are my slave. If I tell you to be reluctant, you will be. But, that is not the point.

When you were zapped by that cat, you actually absorbed its nine lives. Now you have ten lives to live! Isn't that fun?" she said, and didn't wait for a response. "In each chapter, you will die a different death. Because I am bored and in need of entertainment. I will spare your last life, and, by ending the story, you will return to the place all characters come from, and your free will shall be restored. Just like that." She snapped her fingers. In reality, she can't, but since this is her story, everything is possible. Even snapping her fingers.

"But, now this conversation will be erased from you mind."

And so it was. Except for the part where she said, "When you were zapped by that cat, you actually absorbed its nine lives. Now you have ten lives to live! Isn't that fun? In each chapter, you will die a different death. Because I am bored and in need of entertainment. I will spare your last life, and, by ending the story, you will return to the place all characters come from, and your free will shall be restored. Just like that." That was necessary for the story to take place.

"Right now, your wife is finding you unconscious in Hyrule Field. It's time for you to go, Link!"

And with that, Link was returned to his body. As he traveled between dimensions, he thought he heard the wind whisper, "there is no escape." But maybe it was just a trick of his mind.

Or a trick of the author.

**END OF PROLOGUE**

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I'm writing chapter 2 right now, where you get to meet Link's wife! And trust me, you'll never guess who she is. evil laughter

Oh yes, once all the chapters are done, I'll post a special chapter containing all of your suggestions! That's right! Whatever painful deaths I don't use in the story will be acknowledged in a nice superchappie based on your reviews! So review now! You get to torture Link! Oh, and you get a cookie too.


	2. Chapter 1: Cucco Time

**HELLOOOO-OOO-OOO-OO-OOOO!**Julia is back with a new chapter, one that I was planning on posting last Sunday, but had to postpone thanks to a nasty Flu. EVIL FLU! Well, all these amazing people got cookies for their reviews:

The Fire Alchemist, Whispers of Darkness, Uber Spoonz, petey, Silver Ripper, Vslasher, Voldies-Socks, Deamon Fire, and Wyrvvn.

Whoa, **_9 REVIEWS._** More than I have ever gotten for any single chapter of any story of mine. You guys rock. I am sorry thischapter is so short! Maybe I'll re-write it later.

Oh yeah, a little shout out for _**Wyrvvn**_ for guessing who Link's wife was. I don't know if listing every possible female character actually counts, though...

**DISCLAIMER. **Anyone who thinks I own anything besides this story is completely delusional.

_StOrY tImE!_

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When Link woke up, he felt as if his head were full of water. What a weird dream he had. Wait- was it a dream? Or was it real? Something involving a cat and a crazy girl. But he couldn't think properly. Underneath him the bed was soft and bouncy. He slowly got up and looked around.

There wasn't anyone there besides him, but that was normal. His wife was probably outside feeding the Cuccos. And surely enough, when Link went outside, there she was.

The Cucco Lady.

Sure, there was an age difference, but that didn't matter. Not to Link, at least. The author had decided he should fall madly in love at the first sight and vow to marry her as soon as his adventure was over. And so it had happened. OOC, of course, but who cares? The author certainly doesn't.

Anyway, as soon as Link stepped out, the Cucco Lady - the author decided her name should be Nari - smiled broadly and ran up to him.

"Link! You're awake! You scared me, did you know that?"

"What happened?"

"Well, I was doing business at Lon Lon Ranch and I saw you unconscious by the road. I have no idea what happened to you, though..."

Link sighed. He remembered everything now. The cat, the blue-white mist, the crazy author, her plan to kill him 9 times for fun... Then he thought of something. From the path he had taken, Lon Lon Ranch would be between him and Kakariko Village. If Nari came from their house in Kakariko and headed for Lon Lon Ranch, she would not be able to come across him unless she decided to go around the ranch for some reason. But Nari was always head-on, she would not go out of her way to take the long path unless she were headed to Gerudo Valley or Lake Hylia. There was something she wasn't telling him. Link made a mental note to investigate further into this.

"But, it seems you're all good and dandy now, so can you help me with the Cuccos?"

"Sure." And they set off to do their daily Cucco-related chores. Some time later, Nari left for Hyrule Market in order to buy some food.

Even though Link was plagued by the knowledge that he would be dying very soon, he tried not to think about it very much. But he couldn't figure out why he was so darn clumsy today. No matter what he did, he always managed to trip and fall over a spastic Cucco, who would then proceed to peck him furiously. Not only that, but it was always the same Cucco, and that only made things worse, as the Cucco now held a grudge against the poor Hylian. After about 10 minutes of this rather screwed-up exercise, the Cucco decided enough was enough, and called its brethren for help.

Too many Cuccos, too many feathers, too many injuries. Link's first life fell apart. One down, eight more to go.

Link woke up, and saw that he was in the Author's Domain again.

"Welcome, Link, to the Author's Domain," the impassive automatic voice said. "Make yourself comfortable."

The author materialized out of nowhere again, and laughed evilly. "Hello, Link. We meet again." Nothing like evil clichེd lines to make a true villain. "I hope you enjoyed your first death."

"Not actually," replied Link bitterly.

"I know," said the author, smirking. "Well, you'll have to hang around here while I fix your body for the next chapter. Want some soda?"

"...What's a soda?"

"Hum-hum. Lon Lon Milk then. Oh wait. You don't have a body! How sad."

"..."

"Just do whatever you want to amuse yourself in the big empty void. Oh, this is going to be grand!" she said, excited, and went about fixing Link's body.

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**BEFORE ANYONE TRIES TO KILL ME FOR THE CHOICE OF LINK'S WIFE.** This is actually a joke with a friend of mine. I'd explain it to you but I'm lazy. Lazy, lazy Julia.

Remember, send in your death suggestions! You get a cookie! Seriously! And a cool bike! ...Nah, just kidding. But you still get a cookie!

_-Julia, over and out_


	3. Chapter 2: Burn, Baby, Burn

**HI!** It's me again with a new chappie! Thank you for the reviews, I cannot address them now because I'm almost out of computer time. Oh yeah, please stop by and read my other fics, "Amnesia" and "The BASS of TIME!"

Gotta love the song "Asa Branca". It's so pretty (sniff sniff)

**DISCLAIMER!** I own LOZ! (gets smacked in the head) Oh, fine. I don't. But I own this story!

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Bored. Bored. Bored. 

So extremely bored.

Link began to wonder whether the author was planning on killing out of boredom.

"No, silly," she said, and continued fixing his body.

Link hated her.

"I know," she laughed, without taking her eyes off her work.

There was absolutely NOTHING to do in the Author's Domain. No wonder the author had gone crazy. Link was already on the verge of a nervous breakdown, because he had been doing absolutely NOTHING for the past 5 billion years, or so it felt. He had lost track of time. How could fixing a Cucco-maimed body take so long? Surely the author was done by now...

"No, I'm not done," she said, and started humming softly. Then she started singing, in some language Link didn't know.

"It's Portuguese," she grumbled, and resumed singing. Singing and working. Her song went something like this:

_Quando olhei a terra ardendo_

_Feito fogueira de Sã__o João_

_Tive uma idéia, não perdi tempo_

_Mandei-o para sua perdição_

_Que braseiro, que fornalha_

_Não resisti a tentação_

_L_á_ vai o Link, pegando fogo,_

_Queimando aos poucos, que diversã__o_

There was a grim, sadistic tone to her voice, even though the song rocked about like a lullaby. One of the creepiest things Link had ever experienced.

"Ahah! There you go, Mr. Fofo! Your body is a-done!" She said, excited.

"Before you send me to my horrific demise, may I know what you were singing about?" Link asked, relieved that she was finally done but dreading what would come next.

"I'll tell you when you come back," she winked, and Link was warped back to Hyrule.

"LINK! Thank Goddesses you're allright!" shouted Nari, pulling the confused Hylian into a tight hug. "When I came back... And I saw you, and the Cuccos, and oh, it was horrible!" she whimpered, clutching on to her husband as if it would kill her to let go.

"Nari, please, you're squishing me," Link found the breath to say. He was back in his bed, all bandaged up. He was sore and achy, and he could tell he had been in the same position for quite a while. Nari loosened her hug, but still gripped his shoulders tightly.

"Are you feeling better? It took a lot of potions to cure you! I nearly went bankrupt at the healing shack!" Link knew she was exaggerating, but he could feel a lot of work had been done on him.

"I'm fine," he said, quietly. "Don't worry."

"Are you sure? You have to stay in bed, anyway. You can't go out all bandaged up like that!"

"I'm fine, Nari," he repeated, shifting in his bed. "I'll be up and running in a moment, you'll see." the soreness was already leaving him, and he could feel the strength return.

"Well, if you get yourself killed, don't blame me!" she said, and left the room.

_How ironic,_ thought Link. He was feeling a lot better now. He had a sudden urge to go up Death Mountain for no apparent reason. And so he left, despite the little painful jabs that still lingered on.

A Tektite attacked him. He stabbed it. Another jumped at him. He stabbed it too. The air was becoming scarce as he hiked up, but his lungs were strong. After a long while walking, he got to his odd destination, Death Mountain Crater. He had no idea why he was here right now, but looking down at the lava, he could hear a faint voice singing.

_Quando olhei a terra ardendo..._

Link looked around. He felt an ominous presence, like someone was watching.

_Feito fogueira de_ _Sã__o João..._

Now it was getting really creepy. He felt shivers shake his body, even though it was boiling hot. Fear. Something he didn't come across very often.

_Tive uma idéia, nao perdi tempo_...

_Mandei-o para sua perdição_...

The voice faded away. The sinister feeling, however, remained. Link spun around. He had to get away, and quickly.

But before he knew what was happening, his eyes blinked with gray lights, struggling to see. His breathing became shallow and ragged. The heat... It was becoming unbearable... Link could no longer stay focused... The voice now boomed inside his head...

_Que braseiro, que fornalha..._

_Não resisti a tentação..._

Now his eyes were completely blacked out, his muscles didn't answer to his commands, his brain refused to push any harder, and he fell.

Down.

Down.

D

O

W

N

Down into the crater he tumbled, his tunic catching on fire, the heat charring his skin...

_Lá vai o Link... pegando fogo..._

Evil, maniacal laughter... He burst into flames...

_Queimando aos poucos, que diversã__o..._

Going, going...

Gone.

Two down, seven to go.

Once again, the blue white mistinvolved the hero.

"Welcome, Link, to the Author's Domain. Make yourself comfortable."

"My my. This could take a while," said the author. "Maybe burning you to ashes wasn't such a good idea after all. Oh well. Everything has a price, huh?"

Link scowled. Well, he would, had his body not been turned into a pile of soot.

"You said you would tell me what the song meant," he said, mentally preparing himslef for the ultimate boredom again.

"Indeed," said the author. "This is what the song meant:"

_When I saw the earth burning_

_Like a Saint John's bonfire_

_I had an idea, I didn't waste time,_

_I sent him to his doom_

_What a brazier, what an oven_

_I couldn't resist temptation_

_There goes Link, catching on fire,_

_Burning slowly, how fun!_

"What kind of a song is that?" asked Link, appalled.

"The song of DOOM. Well, actually a parody of a song called 'Asa Branca.' Anyway, I gotta get back to work! You need your body for the next chapter!"

_Oh boy,_ thought Link.

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The description of Link'sdeath in this chapter was based off something that happened to me... It wasan extremely hot day, myblood pressure dropped, and I fainted. In the middle of a food court in Mueller Mall, Curitiba. In front of McDonald's.On a school visit (don't ask). It wasscary. 

Remember, you get a cookie for your review! And you get to kill Link! Wheee!

_-Julia, over and out_


	4. Chapter 3: AAAAAtum

**Wow. First chapter in ages.** I am so sorry I din't update earlier, but some things in life are unavoidable. I was kept offline for quite a while. Please forgive me. And if you haven't noticed, my chapter tend to be very short, so... It's just the way I write. Don't worry. I'm already writing the next chapter.

**Disclaimer:** I own Zelda, not. I own story, yes.

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She started singing again. What a maniac. Link had been here for a relatively short time, but he was already begging the Goddesses for mercy. And the author was ignoring him completely, absorbed in her song. This time, her song went like this:

_Meu coração  
__Não sei porquê  
__Bate feliz  
__Quando te vê...  
__E os meus olhos ficam sorrindo,  
__E pelas ruas vão te seguindo  
__Mas mesmo assim  
__Foges de mim_

This time there was no sadistic tone to her voice, and it was a pretty nice song, but Link was too bored to pay attention.

Finally, after what felt like forever, she smiled, pleased with her results.

"Very well, Link! Seems you're all set to go now."

"Gee, great." Link didn't know whether to be happy or sad or angry or scared, so he settled with apathy.

Link was back in Hyrule.

He was in Death Mountain again; it was so quiet and desolate. The only thing he could hear was the wind. Quite a depressing sight. The wind blew his hair softly, and the sun was just setting beyond the horizon. The view from up there was breathtaking. Yet it was so quiet and lonely… As he watched the sun set, he suddenly remembered Nari.

"Oh no…" If Nari was worried about him, she'd kill him when he came back… was that what the author was planning? Whatever the case, it was not wise to stay out on Death Mountain after dark. They named it Death Mountain for a reason.

Link adjusted his hat and set down the path, becoming anxious as the sun quickly sank. Night was falling fast, and he could hardly see his way anymore. Suddenly, he felt the ground tremble beneath his feet, and jumped out of the way as a Goron rolled past him. Then another, and another; he looked around and saw several more rolling away from a rockslide. Jumping out of the way of the rocks, he tried to run down the path, but it was too dark; he had no idea where he was going, and killer rocks and Gorons falling from above weren't helping. Suddenly he gasped as the ground beneath him disappeared…

In the darkness and confusion, he had run straight off the edge of the cliff. He was weightless for a second, then plummeted down to his certain death. He fumbled with his clothes for half a second, pulled out his hookshot, and fired it at the wall, stopping suddenly and banging against the rocks.

He took a deep breath, assessing what just happened. He hung precariously from the hookshot, and it would be a very nasty way down. He could hear the ground rumble above him as rocks and Gorons rolled past. Suddenly, everything was quiet.

Link's arms were hurting now. He tried to turn around to face the stone wall, but his fingers slipped a little bit and he stopped, fearing he would let go and fall if he tried again. With his back against the wall, there was not much he could do besides hang there and hope someone would show up and help him. He urged himself to calm down again, then looked up.

He was a few meters down from the edge; if only he could turn around, he'd be able to find some footing and pull himself up the chain. But things weren't as simple. Any tiny mistake and he'd be flat as a pancake in seconds.

Minutes, hours, he didn't know how much time went by, but by now his arms were screaming at him to let go. He decided to try and turn around again. He managed to get himself facing the rock. Now, to pull himself up. He pulled up his legs and pushed against the wall. A very awkward position, and his arms complained, but he found a small ledge to place his feet in and grasped for the chain. He slowly moved up, and managed to pull himself up a few inches. If he just did this carefully, he could reach the edge easily.

He was halfway up the chain when somewhere above him he heard the metal groan as he moved. He stopped, waiting and listening; but as he moved up, the chain creaked again. Little fragments of rock fell past him. He stopped again, but the chain kept on groaning. More rock fell. Link realized it was too late just as the rock gave way and the chain snapped back, sending him tumbling backwards.

It was dark. It was fast. It was hell. Link did a backflip trying desperately to hold on to something, anything, a ledge... well, he did find a ledge, but the wrong way. As he fell, he fell head first onto the ledge, and white spots danced before his eyes. And he slammed against the wall again and again, all the way down, his head bursting in pain, and down he fell into the abyss, landing with a gross splat in a pile of bones and mushy red goop.

"Welcome, Link, to the Author's Domain."

He would still find a way of killing her someday.

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This chapter disturbs me x.X

Oh yeah, this is a special message for someone AND YOU KNOW VERY WELL WHO YOU ARE, if you ever DARE say that EVER again, I'll chop you up, then eat you, then kill you, then grind you until you're powder, then mix you with water and drink you, then kill you again, then feed you to angry sharks, then burn you, then kill you again. In that order.

Next updates: BASS of TIME, sometime this week. This story is probably next week. Amnesia in on hold, I've been having problems with the second chapter.


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